So, I used to have two older blogs back in high school/beginning of university and really they were mostly a writing ground, a way to keep in touch with my friends and also the result of emotions that I was not mature enough at the time to handle properly.
In the last post I did, two long years ago, there are two comments on it. One is spam (surprise!). The other though, reflected on how I was already seemingly throwing in the towel on life, and at so young an age. It made me think. I’ve come a long way since these posts through self reflection, journals, prose, and with an incredibly patient, loving and supportive man beside me. There were times when I really did want to just throw it all away and say “screw it” life sucks. But things change. To this day, I cannot forget the incredibly real emotions I felt, and I will never dismiss how horrible life was sometimes. Even teenagers can feel adult feelings. Sometimes bad things are not all made up in the mind.
But eventually I matured. Eventually life got better. I wish I could let the anonymous poster in his now mid-30’s know that I am mostly okay now (nobody will ever be truly, 100% okay, I think).
Life is a journey that is either short or long. If mine can feel long in terms of years, I want it to feel short because I have loved and lived to the best of my ability. I don’t want any regrets.
So to myself and others: get your ass out of bed, respect your living space, follow your passions the best you can and love what deserves to be loved wholeheartedly and without secrecy. Believe what you want to believe and don’t let anyone else tell you how to think. You were given a wonderful mind to think with, so formulate your own thoughts, don’t just live off of the digested claims of another.
This post was actually supposed to be about something totally different, but that post is postponed after looking at my old blog and being so moved. Hopefully that doesn’t disappoint too many people. It’s nice to speak from the heart every once in a while.
(Oh, and I still like to listen to System of a Down.)
Princess Gloss 